My favorite thing about you is:
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Here again is where I win the "Mother of the Year" prize. Your trust in your father and I is infallible. I guess, as it should be. I mean, why would a parent intentionally mislead, or (gasp) lie to their child? Oh... Christmas time. And a few other times (because it's just not appropriate to explain to an almost 6 year old what blood alcohol levels are, because *technically* babies really are put there by God, and because sometimes you just don't need to know the truth... yet).
So, it's Christmas time again. And like I mentioned last week, our Elf on the Shelf: Mortimer came back. I also explained his greatness last week as well. But just like last year, the poor guy has barely been around a week and already he's sidelined at the North Pole. Remember when I said I wanted to be the mom who invented him? If I had been said mom, I would have included the clause that if you touched him he unleashed some kind of pent up vitriolic elf rage. There would be no going back to the North Pole - I deal with these kids single handedly 365 days a year, save for when he swoops in for a month and takes on the tattling. Is it too much to ask that he stick around for the promised month-ish?! No slacking my little friend. It's common knowledge that the first rule of fight club is do not talk about fight club. And if you're on a playground anywhere in the United States, I'm pretty sure the the kids will tell you that the first rule of Elf on the Shelf is no touching the Elf on the Shelf.
Well, the other night he brought all of our Christmas books. He was minding his business checking out his Elf: The Movie book, when Haley was looking for one to read. She touched the basket holding the books and accidentally knocked Mortimer over. I imagine (because I wasn't actually there) that she reached to set him back up again, forgetting the rules, but thus touching him none the less. To preserve the magic, the rules must be followed. And even though I can't tell you with certainty that that's how the situation went down, I'm not dumb - and I know how this almost 6 year old operates.
That's the thing about your kids. You hang around them long enough and you know the words that are going to come out of their mouth, before they can even think them. And you know how they'll react to certain things. Except when they tell you that the lyrics to "Feliz Navidad" are absolutely not "Feliz Navidad", but are in fact "Denise Nobby Lob" or "Elise La De Da" depending on which kid you ask (but you're an idiot to think it'd be "Feliz Navidad"). Nobody can see that coming. But I know how Haley would be in this particular situation. Did she have good intentions? Absolutely. Did she honestly forget? Yup. But did she lie her little face off about it? You bet. So we had to follow through on the consequences, because the last thing you want is an almost 6 year old who starts to critically think about Christmas magic. Yes, a few weeks ago I did say that I wanted my kids to be critical thinkers, but not this time of year. I still need to be able to lie to them. They need to know that Santa is real. That Mortimer really is working for the big guy. That I really do have the big guy on speed dial just incase. And that God really does put babies in mommies tummies.
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